then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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