Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
