Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
