physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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