true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
