Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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