So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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