Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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