Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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