Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
