You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
