I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize