sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
