I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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