Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
