That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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