Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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