is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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