i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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