He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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