woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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