I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
