Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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