her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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