I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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