my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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