God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
