why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
