I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
