Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
