and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
