i think my tv is drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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