Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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