my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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