you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
