laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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