hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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