____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
