Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
