This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
