That's intense
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
