this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
