i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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