my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
