would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
