Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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