I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
