someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
