We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
