Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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