This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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