The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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