I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
