i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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