he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
