You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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