i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
