dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
