Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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