if i died would you start the facebook group?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize