You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
