I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
