dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
