Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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