we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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