i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
