She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
