I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
