1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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