I puked a lego.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
