i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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