Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
