Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
