need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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