i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
