shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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