just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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