return my video game
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
