Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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