The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
