You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
