Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
