he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
