It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
