I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
