Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
