go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
