you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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