Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
