I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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