I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
