Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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