Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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