Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
