The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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