I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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