At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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