While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
