Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize