i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
