you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
