i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
smell my finger.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
