Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
