Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
