Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
