There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
