so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
