I accidentally burped into my bong.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
