Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
