first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
