Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't notice because vodka
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
